15 years ago I woke up to my van being repossessed because (come to find out) my ex husband never paid our car payment and didn’t tell me.
I started doing some digging and found out he was hiding money from me. When I confronted him, he stole my personal debit card while I was putting our baby down for a nap and charged it until my bank account was overdrawn. I did some more digging and found out he was having an affair.
When I asked him to show me his phone to ask him about it, he threw me down the stairs in front of our crying baby who had just woken up.
When I took him to court for a restraining order due to emotional and physical abuse, the judge said I was being dramatic and that obviously no harm was done to me.
That I was trying to make up stories to keep his child away from him and that he wouldn’t have that in his courtroom. I started to wonder if I was crazy. If it was all in my head.
When I went to stay with my mom with my 1 year old baby to protect us both for a few days, he sold all of my possessions from before we were married, and our joint possessions. I had nothing. Not a dollar to my name, and a 1 year old to care for. When I asked him about it he said I better not bring it up again or he’d take our baby too. This was the day I hit rock bottom. It was also the day I started to began my journey towards healing.
After I discovered all of my and my babies belongings were gone, I snuck back into the house late at night and took back the one thing he still had of mine, my old car that was completely paid off. I got a therapist, a free lawyer, and thank god the support of my parents until I was able to get back on my feet. I couldn’t sleep for 2 years because I was afraid he would sneak into my room in the middle of the night and assault me or try to steal my baby. I was scared for my and my babies life.
My heart still races whenever I think about it. And, to this day, I am forever grateful I went through this. Because honestly that horrible experience was my initiation into womanhood. I wish it on no one, and I now know I was strong enough to get through it. I had to learn some lessons the really hard way.
Thank God for the angels protecting me and looking out for me. Yes, it took so much work to get here. Many, many years of coaching, therapy, personal development programs, reading and studying attachment theory, internal family systems, trauma bonding, narcissism, and so much more. And honestly, I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I thank God everyday for how we’ve been taken care of no matter how hard it was. 15 years later, I get to help other women step into their own sovereignty, their healing journey, to help them claim their inherent right to love and pleasure in their life, no matter what trauma they endured.
It is such a gift every, f-ing time I receive a “thank you” from a client. Because I know what it takes to get up from rock bottom. It takes devotion, it takes strength, it takes patience, and the tools and support to heal. Sending love to anyone who has been or is currently in a hard place. If you need support or resources, please contact me.